Yes, we all know right now that the number one thing keeping America in the economical red is PBS. I'll preface all further thoughts by saying that PBS is truly a threat to our nation's freedom. PBS is like Iran, mid-60' USSR and World War II-era Germany mixed into one freedom-hating corporation.
Oh, I see right through your attempts at shiny, likable sock puppets that teach children to count and how to be tolerant. I know what you all really are. You are turning the nation's children into a bunch of tree-hugging pansies who are learning and being entertained, not being taught things that they should be learning, like learning how to audit RiverFest!!!
That's not what America was built on! We built this country on kids who dropped out of school in the third grade and lied about their age to fight the Nazis. That's what America is about. Reaching up and grabbing your bootstraps, buckling down, and defending 'merica! We got nowhere watching a big yellow bird, we got where we went by trying to put Joseph Goebbels' head on a baionnette!
Now that we've gotten over that, has anyone actually bothered to find out how much money PBS actually costs Americans on a yearly basis? About a buck fifty. As in $1.50 cents...per year.
I lose more money than that on a monthly basis simply because I hate pennies. Seriously, who is out there thinking pennies are still a good idea? Round up! Between my wallet, cell phone and keys rattling around in my pocket, I have no time for your loose change.
Here's a novel way to save money. Quit. Printing. Pennies. They cost money to make. You know what, get rid of nickels, too. Don't need 'em. Don't want 'em. The less spare change, the better. I'm also sure i'm not the only one who thinks this. That money is pointless. It's a waste of space, and I guarantee a large portion of the country wastes the small change, too.
That's exactly my point, though. That amount of money is so miniscule, that this seems like an incredibly pointless argument. It shouldn't have been brought up by Mitt Romney, and we as a rational thinking group of people (yes, I know not all of us are rational, but i'm trying to cut some of the bigger lunatics on here some slack) should have never taken the time or the energy to argue the point.
But since we are, I'm going to be the 44th Plainfield Patch blogger (approximate) to weigh in on the topic. Now i'm not interested in getting into a huge political debate. I'll let other bloggers on here handle that.
INSTEAD, what I'm going to do is give you a list of things you can purchase for $1.50
Also, just gonna throw this argument out there now, if you are about to jump to the comments to say: No, that's just one thing, a lot of things have to be cut from the spending. Something something Republican something something. I don't care about your argument. The country is in tremendous debt in no small part due to two wars we decided to fight against countries that had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks. That's a fact; deal with it. If you don't like it, there are Patch bloggers that are more willing to pander to your claims.
So onto the list.
First, I stopped at 7/11 at the corner of Route 59 and 126 to see where my $1.50 would get me.
I can buy a scratch off ticket for a dollar that allows for some of the proceeds to go to breast cancer awareness. I can say with 100 percent certainty that I'm very, very much AGAINST breast cancer. Not a fan. Nobody is a fan of breast cancer, I assume, unless that breast cancer claims to be from Plainfield, but might live in Joliet instead.
Then with the other 50 cents, I'll walk down the block a little ways to the railroad tracks and put the quarters on the tracks. Because who doesn't love to have crushed quarters!
Oh, for $1.39 I could also eat a jalapeno and sour cream taquito! Those are delicious. If my PBS funds were to be meant to go to my sweet tooth, though, there is always a bag of gummy bears or candy orange slices! That is a very delicious way to use my PBS money, but inevitably, the joy from gummy bears will be short lived.
I ended up spending my $1.50 on a 20th anniversary Arizona Cherry Lime Rickey! Delicious! It set me back $1.08, and I threw the other 42 cents in the parking lot for someone else to discover. Take that, spare change!
Okay, my money can go a little way at a convenience store. I needed it to go a long way. Time to hit up some garage sales!
The first garage sale had an electronic dart board. I like to throw darts after i've been drinking, and there is nothing more thrilling than having to pull darts out of your dry wall after a heated game with friends. The dart board was $20. I tried to haggle. No go. I don't know if there is value in fake jewelry, and I don't care. If she didn't want to take my low ball offer, she should consider herself lucky I didn't kick over her table!
I love garage sales in old Joliet for one reason: vintage suits that have been sitting in a random closet for three decades. I hate people because I don't have an easily replicatable body type. I'm 6'3, and my body is pretty much shaped like the only calorie intake I've taken in over the past five years is through Bud Light. Alas, this woman, while probably in a haggling mood, didn't marry a man whose suits from the '70s were going to fit me. Time to move on.
In need to prove a point and buy something, I ended up with a stack of old Sports Illustrated magazines in various forms of having been lived in by mice. My god, Joe Namath was so youthful in the early '70s. My god, J&B Scotch had really worn on ol' Joe by the time he was on the Rams. Either way, I spent my PBS money on some used up vintage magazines. Your move, U.S. government!
Finally, I decided to check the best garage sale ever, eBay! If I can find anything, it will be there. I realize I'm going to have to cheat a bit on this because you can't ship anything in America for $1.50. Thanks post office, which is owned by the government. Cut to a picture of me shaking my fist at teenagers who threw their frisbee on my lawn.
I can buy a used extra large umbrella. Not a huge fan of the color, but if I live in Lebanon, Tennessee I can get free local pickup and no need to pay shipping! Take that, commerce!
It's a postcard from the Clock Tower Restaurant in Plainfield. I've been told that the Clock Tower Restaurant is where the business revolving door at the corner of Lockport Street is located, across from what used to be Steiner dress shop. I cannot confirm if anyone, in the history of anything, ever, thought that color wall paper was a good idea, but Mike Lambert is more of the historian here, so I'll leave that to him.
I'd buy this. Banksy is right. Love is the answer.
Or you know what, PBS, you know what i'm gonna buy with the money????
Yep. I'll just buy the old Baci's restaurant in downtown Plainfield for $1.50. Let's face it, Plainfield will sell it to me. They have probably done dumber stuff TODAY and the village board meeting hasn't even started yet!