Back to School ... Now What?

It's 1 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon, and my house is quiet. 

No one is clamoring for my attention. There are no immediate needs or desires whose gratification is my responsibility. Nobody is asking to have a snack, or play Mario Kart, or go swimming, or invite a friend over, or watch TV, or have a piece of printer paper to make puppets. 

I can hear the air conditioner kick on and the mailman drive by and the cicadas in the neighbor's trees. I can take a shower or a nap, or both, without fear of interruption. 

You see, my youngest child is in first grade. He's adjusting just fine to the long days at school, complete with the short-lived novelties of hot lunch and recess. For me, though, the new schedule is sitting uncomfortably, like a patient who's been wearing the backless paper robe for so long he suspects the doctor has gone golfing. In Scotland. For a month.

I'm not complaining, not exactly. I do appreciate the freedom to run into Target for a single item and leave without a lengthy "just looking" excursion into the toy section. I like tidying up a room and having it STAY tidied until 3:30. I can play Eminem at full volume. Those are wonderful things that I am grateful for.

Still, I like having my kids around. They're fun people. There's little I value more than the times we just are together. I miss them when they're at school. Not in the weepy-eyed way some moms do (you know who you are).

But there is no denying the void they leave behind when they walk through those doors every morning. After school isn't much better. When they get home, it's play time while I make supper, then homework takes up the rest of the evening until bedtime and pfft! Another day gone.

And weekends are now when we try to cram in everything that couldn't get done during the week. It's madness.

Now, I can't count on my kids to entertain me, to help the time pass, or give me an excuse for the unfolded laundry. I keep meaning to go out in the pool to relax without fear of being splashed or kicked in the chin, but I never do. 

What would I do -- just sit there? With only my internal dialogue for company? I shudder to think what I might discover.

Nature abhors a vacuum, or so I've heard. Create one, and things immediately start rushing in. I do seem to be busier now. At least the things rushing into my vacuum are productive.

I'm doing more writing (voila! another blog entry!), my volunteer responsibilities actually get done on time, and the house is pleading with me to ease up on the cleaning before I wash a hole in the window. I wonder if this is what retirement will be like.

I'm even looking for a part-time job. But only one where I work Monday through Friday from 9 am to 3 pm. because I already miss my kids enough.