My 6-Year-Old Mona Lisa Vito

Did you ever see My Cousin Vinny? Hilarious movie. An absolute favorite of mine and a classic. 

If you haven’t seen it, you need to and it's essential for my story. If you don't know what I'm talking about, click on this -- Mona Lisa Vito, Expert Witness -- before you go any further.

The premise of this scene is Vincent LaGuardia Gambini is a defense lawyer for his cousin and his cousin's friend, who are charged with the murder of a clerk at the Sack of Suds in Beechum County, Ala.

Gambini is trying to prove that two identical 1964 metallic mint green Buick Skylarks were at the Sack of Suds that day … and Gambini needs Lisa to prove him wrong and that what the witnesses saw was a 1963 Pontiac Tempest.

So, with that in mind, I tell you my story…

This past spring my family and I were on our way home from picking up my 16-year-old stepson from the airport. As per usual, the two occupants in the back seat started their game of "Slug Bug/Cruiser Bruiser." The point of the game is to spot a Volkswagen Beetle or PT Cruiser before your opponent and then punch him or her in the arm.

About 15 minutes into the game, Aaron proudly slugs his 6-year-old sister and announces victoriously, “CRUISER BRUISER!”

Dana scans the road, eyes squinting, “Where?”

Aaron points with authority, “There! The red one!”

Dana sits back and shakes her head, “That is not a Cruiser, that is a Chevy HHR.”

Aaron argues with her while my husband subtly catches up with the vehicle. It’s an HHR, complete with Chevy emblem. Aaron conceeds his loss and Dana whacks him twice for being wrong.

A few quiet moments later, her little 6-year-old girlie voice pipes up. “Aaron, let me tell you how I can tell the difference between them.”

Here I must interject … please keep the aforementioned movie scene, complete with head bob, in your mind as I give you the rest of my story.

She looked at her brother with her large blue eyes and began her diatribe. “First, the HHR is a Chevy. It’s taller, wider and has a flatter front. The HHR has THREE different windows on the side. The PT Cruiser only has TWO.

"Well, actually, it has three but it only looks like it has two. The front on the Cruiser is also pointier and is lower to the ground. That's how I know the difference.”

She emphasized the last statement with a pout and head bob while crossing her arms. Aaron just looked out the window, knowing he was in danger of losing his “Guy Card.” Meanwhile, my husband nearly wet his pants as he leaned over the steering wheel, laughing.

Aaron glanced over at me in disbelief while I chuckled. It was a long and silent ride again before Dana shouted, “CRUISER BRUISER!” Then proceeded to whack her brother with all her might.

I watched over my shoulder as Aaron studied the car. “She’s right! It does only look like it has two windows! How does she see this stuff?”

My husband looks at me, tears from laughter running down his cheeks, “I blame you for this.”

“Me?” I ask indignantly. “Why is this MY fault?”

Well, OK, it is sort of my fault. I’ve been surrounded by gearheads most of my life and know more than the average female about cars. Between my cousins, my uncles, my mom and past boyfriends, I’ve learned a lot just by association. Too much.

To the point I had to “pretend” I didn’t know how to change a headlight to get a guy’s attention. I knew how, I just had to do the damsel in distress thing. 

Anyway, it appears my apple didn’t fall far from her tree and her brother now knows how to tell the Chrysler PT Cruiser from a Chevrolet HHR.