Fun With Sociopaths (Everyday Life in Plainfield)

I sometimes wonder if my hometown has more than its fair share of sociopaths. You know the type; they act as though they are somehow exempt from having to follow the same laws, rules and regulations as everybody else.

These are the people who make a right turn on red, cutting off a stream of cars that are legally turning left on a green arrow. They come out of a right-turn-only exit and practically execute a u-turn to the left as soon as they are clear of the concrete barrier that was put in place expressly to prevent them from making that left turn. I have no reason to doubt that these are the very same people who enter the 12-items-or-less checkout line with 23 items.

Just this week I saw a U.S. Postal Service vehicle make a left turn on red – and I don't mean the light turned red as the vehicle was exiting the intersection. The mail truck was stopped at a red light, oncoming traffic went through and the truck proceeded to enter the intersection and complete a left turn, while the light remained red. No green arrow, no nothing. If I were a traffic cop, I'd have had a field day with that one.

These are the actions that probably gave birth to the term “road rage.”

I wonder what these people are like at home. I wonder if their children get in trouble at school all the time for blatantly ignoring the rules. Maybe it was one of their children who unplugged and stole my holiday projector, right off of my front lawn. Or who placed a lit cigar inside of my mailbox. Or who ripped out and stole the plastic tree ring barrier from around a tree on my parkway.

Actions such as these, every one of which actually happened, make me thankful that I am not prone to violent acts of retaliation, if only because I don't think I would do well in prison. That doesn't mean I wouldn't like to see evil things happen to the little thieves and vandals that wander our streets at night, committing these admittedly minor crimes (but hey, they have to start somewhere).

Where are their parents? Probably out making illegal turns and violating the express checkout limit, I'm sure. Lord only knows they are not keeping proper tabs on their offspring, let alone teaching them right from wrong. I just can't help but wonder whether this is because they are too busy or too important.

Of course none of you reading this could possibly fall into the category of oblivious, poor excuse for a human being that I have described here. After all, a person who cannot read such elementary words as “no left turn” would certainly not be bright enough to read anything written on the level of the Plainfield Patch.